Cobweb Club - What is that?

Another urban buzz word circulating around social settings and networking sites. What does it really mean? What if any is the significance of this overnight phenomenon. Well It's not really anything new. Ever heard of celibacy?

• Main Entry: cel·i·ba·cy
• Pronunciation: \ˈse-lə-bə-sē\
• Function: noun
• Date: 1646

1 : the state of not being married
2 a : abstention from sexual intercourse b : abstention by vow from marriage

(courtesy of the good folks at Merriam-Webster online)

So...the cobweb club is just celibacy with a modern day spin on it. Somewhere along the line, chasing sex became more important to some than cultivating relationships. I think those who choose to abstain are simply trying to bring some balance to the dating scene. Many people abstain for different reasons and for different lengths of time. Abstinence is most popular within the religious community. However, it's becoming a popular trend amongst the secular population as well. Abstaining can prove to be beneficial to some for many different reasons. It can provide space and time for healing from past relationships and clarity before entering a new union.

BET - Black Exploitation Enatertainment

Alright, that's it..I have totally had it with this poor excuse for a network. Before I go into full rant mode, let's look at the timeline for BET, Black Entertainment Television or more appropriately, Black Exploitation Television.

Does anyone remember when the BET was black owned and operated? The network was founded by Robert Johnson. BET launched as a block on USA network in 1980 and then as an independent network in 1983. (courtesy of wikipedia) Back then BET was such a breath of fresh air to the African-American community. There were shows that reflected the lifestyle and addressed the concerns of a people who prior to the launch of BET didn't have a voice. There programming line up consisted of video shows and even a full fledged news cast. Its a far cry from the perpetual rump shaking videos and sterotypical sit coms and movies shown current day.

There is a void of programming that shows African-Americans and other minority groups in a positve light. I strongly feel like this lack of affirmative images and story lines is having an adverse effect on the youth within the African-American community. I'm sure plenty of people who share my sentiments have written letters, complained, suggested and more to no avail. I believe the demise of this network began when its original owner sold the network. This is evidence of an even bigger problem. Why are we as a people so quick to "sell out". Shouldn't some things be priceless?

It is my sincere hope that in my lifetime I can once again see a network dedicated to promoting non-stereotypical images of African-American people. In order for that to happen...we will have to collectively raise our standards. We have to stop accepting "less than" as it pertains to media coverage and entertainment. I implore you to start the journey towards the rebirth of positive programming for people of color. All it takes is one person to take one step in the right direction to spark an awareness and ultimately bring about change.

you can call me....really!

Since when did it become socially acceptable to text in lieu of a phone call? Before I go into full rant mode, I must admit that there are some undeniable benefits to texting. Text messages allow you to reach someone with out the intrusion of a phone call. Texting can allow you to send useful information, IE directions, contact information etc. Furthermore, texting allows you to avoid having to have unnecessary lengthy conversations.

Now, all of these benefits can work in friendships, business ventures and even in "seasoned" romantic relationships. However, I do not think sending text messages in lieu of a phone call is appropriate for new romantic interests/connections. Nothing irks me more than receiving a series of texts from someone I've recently met. Send a text to say it was nice meeting me...that's cool. You can even send a text to test the waters..."are you busy?". But do not try and hold a conversation or "get to know me" via text message.

I could care less about your unlimited text messaging package. I don't have one and even if I did, it would STILL annoy me to have to take time to try and conduct a whole conversation, you know an EXCHANGE of ideas in limited amount of characters. That would be like trying to familiarize yourself with someone on twitter. Sounds crazy doesn't it? Well that's how silly attempting to carry out full on conversations via text messaging sounds to me.

I have to say that whenever a man tries to converse with me via text messaging, I wonder if this behavior masks some sort of issue/baggage. I mean, are you incapable of carrying on a normal telephone conversation? Do you have difficulty formulating your thoughts, communication challenged? Is it that you NEED the unlimited response time to come up with something clever to text? Whatever it is, know that it's not cute. Please refrain from soley sending text messages when trying to get to know someone.

The art of conversation can not be lost completely.

A girl with a dream.

I don't talk about my aspirations much outside of close friends and family. I recently decided to branch out. Why not? At the end of the day all anyone can tell you is yes or no. But, their answer can't stop you from dreaming big.

This was a pretty significant birthday for me in '09. In the short span of 7 days before my birthday, I got into my first car accident ever and my car was totaled. Thank God that I wasn't totaled. I walked, rolled away in an ambulance to later be released from the hospital with only bruising to show for the whole ordeal. Two days later, I received a call from the Oprah show offering me tickets to a taping. Anyone who knows anything about the Oprah show KNOWS how difficult it is to get tickets to the show.

This was obviously a pleasant surprise and truly a blessing. I went to the taping on 4/8/09, a mere 3 days before my birthday. That chance attendance changed my life. I've always admired Oprah. I always say..love her or hate her, the accomplishments that she's made as a black woman in America are unprecedented. She's an inspiration to many regardless of your profession. I grew up aware of her, and inspired by her to pursue a career in media.

In short, she's been my "shero" and I got the chance to meet her. A chance that I never saw coming. I think somehow along the way my dreams got deferred. Something happened on 4/4/09 (car accident) and 4/8/09 (chance meeting) culminating with an epiphany on my birthday 4/11/09. I asked myself; What am I waiting for? I decided to dust of my dreams. I've been actively persuing them ever since. I must admit I'm a happier person for it. I write this blog to encourage you to never stop chasing your dreams. They really can come true. Oprah hasn't see the last of the kid. I'll be back.

Body Image.....(work with what you got)

I was channel surfing today, not to be confused with swag surfing. (ha!) I came across a television special on PBS dealing with women and self perception based on societal standards. The topics of concern included but were not limited to body image. The moderator was an African-American woman. She admittedly was shocked to find that the same color complex and body image issues that plague our community are hunting women in other ethnic groups.

She had a series of panels that included contributions from women of diverse ethnic groups, physical stature and social economic backgrounds. The women were very transparent and open about these issues with body image and skin tone etc. These are issues that we all at some point more often than not..THINK about in grave detail yet don't discuss. Furthermore, these insecurities are not limited to being a "woman thing". Men deal with these exact same issues. As a woman of color and now in my post high school athlete physical shape, I know how social beauty standards can leave one left feeling rejection on some level.

My Mother said to me years ago: "Attitude is a little thing that can make a big difference." I often apply this sentiment in several different areas of my life. I've been thin before, I know what that's like. But, this fuller figure that I now own has required some major adjustments in my attitude. See I've found that I don't have a problem with my size, other people do. We've been conditioned to think that thin correlates to pretty. I decline this silly notion. I am just as beautiful now as I was 50 lbs ago. I travel as much as I can afford to, anyone who knows me knows that. I've found that I get more attention from men in other cities and NO not just down south. So is size discrimination a Midwest thing?

To me, this is no different from being teased about my dark skin tone as a child. Now everyone loves chocolate right? I say all this in an effort to encourage everyone of every walk of life no matter your skin tone or size to embrace the package you're in.

I've blogged on this issue before and I'd like to share my thoughts again here.
I decided to re-post an amended version of a blog entry from myspace below.
circa November 2008
So...erm....here's the deal. I'm a healthy girl...kinda plus right? I'm cute...I am a fashionista...and I carry my weight well on my frame. So...what's EVERYONE's problem with me and my size? Ok...no not everyone...just the silly folks here in Chicago.

I get absolutely nothing but LOVE in other cities. I mean they friggin adore me...men and women alike are always complimenting me when I travel. So why can't I get that kind of acceptance in my own city? It's ludicrous! I'm tired of going places here and folks have the audacity to refer to me as a big girl. WTF! I am not obese....and stop projecting YOUR discomfort with body images onto me.

I am happy and I feel just fine. I love my body....I love my wardrobe and am excited with the new options in fashion that allow me to express myself. The fashion industry finally realized that everyone can't be a size 4 and that the plus sized market is in fact a viable one. I just wish folks here would stop measuring one's beauty by the size of their waste.

Steve McNair (God Rest his Soul)

I was so consumed with grieving over the loss of Michael Jackson that I barely stopped to notice the passing of former NFL player Steve McNair. I don't follow the NFL much unless there's something worth wile going on with my home town Chicago Bears. Today, I logged into yahoo and saw a link to a story about Steve McNair's untimely death. I clicked on it to find out who this man was and why he died so young.

To my utter and complete shock, I found out he wasn't just a mere NFL player, In 13 NFL seasons, Steve McNair won a league MVP award and led the Tennessee Titans to a Super Bowl. He had an impressive run with the Baltimore Ravens as well. Steve McNair is one of three quarterbacks to pass for more than 30,000 yards and rush for more than 3,500 yards. Alledgedy, there were talks of him taking advantage of coaching opportunities with the NFL. Aside from all his accolades as a player, he certainlty had a bright future ahead of him and continued success in his industry.

More importantly, he was a husband and a father, someone's son! The first story I clicked on featured a picture of Steve McNair and his wife looking on at him with love and adoration in her eyes. I was overcome with heart-felt sympathy for the loved ones that were left behind due to this tragic and senseless loss of life. Apparently, Steve had a mistress...this disturbed young woman decided to murder him and then take her own life. She was only 20 years old. I had to ask myself, what on earth could have been so horrid in her life to end his and hers leaving so many innocent people behind to grieve the loss?

I am in no way writing this blog entry to pass judgement on the young woman or on Steve McNair for that matter. I just have to say.....that as sad as this whole situation is, it could have been avoided by these two people and perhaps the people closest to them making better life choices. No matter what you do in life, know that what's done in the dark will eventually come to light. It may not always be as tragic and horrific a reveal as the demise of Steve McNair and his mistress. However, I can assure you that if what you're doing could potentially harm others, the discovery will not be pleasant.

I admonish us all to constantly think of our loved ones. To remember that sometimes our actions can have consequences and can gravely affect their well being. Living a life of lies and secrecy is not living life at all. May God bless Steve McNair's wife and children and the host of others that were left behind to grieve this senseless loss. May God have mercy on the young woman's soul who chose to take a life and end her own. God grant all family, friends and loved ones directly affected by this tragedy the serenity to move forward despite the undoubted pain they must be feeling.

Below is a link to a story high lighting the details of this tragedy.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=ap-mcnairkilled&prov=ap&type=lgns

Sarah Palin...the eternal idiot!

I was shocked to see that Sarah Palin announced her resignation from the office of Governor for the state of Alaska. But the burning question is Why? Furthermore, why now? Again my Mother dropped some insight on the situation that I feel is right on point.

My Mommy said: "Sarah Palin's timing with her announcement was designed to catapult herself back into the spotlight". Well the world is now glued to all the news networks for updates on the details surrounding the death of Michael Jackson. Most Palin supporters could care less about this, so their looking for something else that they deem "news worthy". What better than speculation over Alaska's Governor abruptly resigning from office?

I think this is just another selfish and despicable ploy by this woman for self promotion. She can never run for any other office again. She single handedly cost the Republican party the 2008 Presidential election. (Thanks Sarah, I appreciate it....Go Obama) Shame on the Republicans for trying to pull a fast one on the American people. It takes more than a quasi attractive woman with excessive "blond moment" antics to impress the majority of voters.The powers that be, or the puppeteers that were trying unsuccessfully to groom her into a viable asset to the G.O.P. probably finally reached their limit with her idiotic antics.

Without continued support and backing of her political party, she was only left to seek her own path of survival. I bet dollars to doughnuts this woman has already negotiated book deals, possibly reality show appearances and more. This is not the last we'll see of former Governor Sarah Palin. While she's not politically savvy, the woman does have business sense. I'll give her credit for this..alone. I'm disgusted by her generally,but I admire anyone that can discern when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. Unfortunately, for all of us who were hoping that Sarah Palin would crawl under a rock and not come out....she's gonna be around stealing media attention by any means necessary for quite some time. (*gag*)

God bless the state of Alaska, I think it's citizens will be much better with out the circus act known as Sarah Palin.

Essence Fest 2009

I was really impressed with the line up of Essence Fest this year. I had always heard great things about the Festival but this was my first time actually attending. I went with a group of friends and we had an awesome time. The performances were phenomenal, the selection of moderators for the daytime events was equally impressive.

It was great to see some performers on the main stage and also have the opportunity to see some other performers on a smaller more intimate setting in the suites at the super dome. Although Maxwell was late coming out, he stayed to perform a full set. I'm happy to see his return to the spotlight. I got to see Janelle Monae....a new favorite of mine. This girl gives a phenomenal show. Her energy is incomparable to any other artist I've seen. She has the depth and maturity of someone at least twice her age. Seeing her gave me a renewed optimism for the future of the recording industry.

Ledesi put on a great show in the suites as well. Her flow was just as soulful and inspiring as her album. If you don't have it, go get it. She's gonna be one of those voices that can tend to get lost in the mix. You don't want to sleep on her. Her songs minister to many reoccurring issues of life and love. I find her music soothing and uplifting. I thoroughly enjoyed her performance.

I missed Dwele, which I was sick about but I have seen him perform before. There was so much going on at once. You had an act on the main stage and then 4-5 acts going on simultaneously in the suites. I did get to see Keri Hilson. She's a beauty inside and out. It shows in her approach to her performances. She really made an effort to connect with the crowd and gave energy on stage like a veteran performer. I don't think her current image marketing does her justice. I'm looking forward to watching her blossom as an entertainer once all the push for this catchy pop style of song has subsided. I don't think an artist really comes into their strength of style until their sophomore album sometimes 3rd of 4th.

I saw Ryan Leslie in the suites also. He was a pleasant surprise to me. I had no idea he was so talented. This man could literally be a one man band. I was in awe watching him change from one instrument to the next showcasing his many musical talents. I enjoyed being able to see a side of him that has not been promoted in the industry mainstream. He's established himself as a good writer/producer. I'm anxious to see him break through as a prominent performer.

I chose to focus most of this blog on the performers who were not on the main stage. Yet I have to mention one headlining performer who really touched me. I have never really been a fan of this artist. Most of her loyal fans would probably label me as a hater. But, I just wasn't impressed with her. Even when she first came onto the scene in a group, I always hated the fact that we never/rarely heard from any of the other group members. I thought "why is this chick always hogging the solos"?

I am here to tell you that after seeing Beyonce perform for the first time, I'm now a fan. This woman works...do you hear me? She WORKS, she is not playing with you on stage. I'm not into that alter ego none sense she started but I will acknowledge her drive and thirst to be the BEST seemingly every time she hits a stage no matter how big or small. Even in her greatness as a premier performer, she somehow managed to remain humble. She addressed every section....especially the nose bleed section where I was. She interacted with us and made all of us feel special. More importantly, she thanked us all for coming...repeatedly.

Many of the other artists to grace the main stage did NOT remember to thank the audience or engage us. I appreciated this human quality exhibited by Beyonce. She even sang happy birthday to all the birthday boys and girls in attendance. All of this was nice, but it was her emotional tribute to Michael Jackson that really moved me. She sang a slightly altered version of her popular single "Halo". The song was accompanied by video of Beyonce as a child going to see Michael Jackson perform for the first time. There was also a still photo of Michael in the background.

This is the tribute I wanted and was expecting to see at the the 2009 BET awards. I don't know why it wasn't done there but I am truly thankful that she chose to share it with us at the Essence Fest. Love her or hate her....she's an entertainer at heart. Not many people can do what she does as well as she does. I applaud her for her efforts.

Overall, the Essence Fest seemed to have something for everyone. There was clearly a lot of thought put into the daily program of panel discussions and performances. I don't know that I'll faithfully go every year, but I can say that I will go again and I recommend that any lover of music go at least once in their lifetime.

New Orleans 7/2009

I had an awesome opportunity to go to New Orleans, Louisiana for the annual Essence Fest this year. I had only been to N.O. once before several years ago, prior to the havoc and tragedy caused by hurricane Katrina. I was really excited to go back and see the city back on it's feet thriving.

I must say that I was initially impressed with the how the city looked when I first arrived. Mind you I had lodging in the downtown/french quarters area. I did not venture outside of this area. I realize that it did not sustain the bulk of the damage caused by the hurricane and it's an area where wealthy affluent people tend to reside.

I immediately noticed a strong presence of N.O.P.D officials and monitoring devices. I thought, "this is just for the increased traffic due to the Essence Fest attendees". As the weekend progressed on, I began to think that the people who remained where dealing with some sort of oppression. I have no numbers on how many residents came back after the hurricane or how many stayed in their new cities. What I did see was a large group of seemingly wounded people. You could see it in their eyes. It was heart wrenching.

I applaud the organizers of the Essence Fest for coming back to New Orleans. The Festival brought a much needed stream of revenue to the city. I hated to see so much emphasis on the night life though. Always somewhere to go and drink or see strippers. You could still see some of the remaining damage from the hurricane even in the affluent French Quarter. I promise you, this was not my imagination...I thought I smelled a faint stench that lingered silently haunting the super dome as a reminder of the anguish that many people suffered there trying to survive during the aftermath of the natural disaster.

While we were dining at a restaurant on Bourbon street....it began to rain. After about only 5 minutes of rain, I looked out the window of the restaurant and noticed that the streets were flooding. I actually was scared for a second. I thought to myself, "this water irrigation issue has still gone unresolved". I wonder would the cost to build more efficient levys outweigh all the restoration costs incurred after the hurricane.

It seems like living in N.O. is still a gamble. I just don't understand why in 2009 the U.S. can't find a way to better equip the citizens of Louisiana against the occurrence of natural disasters. If we can mobilize in a matter of days to help victims of a Tsunami 1/2 a world over...why can't we pool our resources to preserve all of the history and rich culture that is still fighting to survive in New Orleans?

This was supposed to be a happy blog about eating a 'Po Boy sandwich for a friend who couldn't be there (the food was great). But I just couldn't front with a sappy blog after observing the people of New Orleans trying still to rebuild a life for themselves.

Dating Scene....What's really going on?

So call me old fashioned...no really I don't mind. I actually prefer it. I'm a wholesome girl born and raised on the south side of Chicago. I grew up in a single parent home. My Mother raised me with good strong Christian values. I went to private school and just was not into the things that most girls in my generation were into growing up. My Mother never brought men home, she modeled the behavior of a God Fearing LADY in front of me.

As I grew and became interested in boys, My Mom talked to me folks. She explained to me what "courting" is and laid out the "do's and don'ts" of dating. She really helped me to understand my worth as a woman. As a result of this coupled with life experiences, I've developed my own set of dating standards. There are certain things that I desire and things that I will absolutely not tolerate. I provided this back story to help you understand what is fueling the burning question I have to pose to you now. "What in the heck is going on with the dating system in our society?" (For real...For serious)

Since when did it become okay for men to not even TRY to date/court you? Let's examine the definition of dating here for a second.

Main Entry:³date

Function:verb

Inflected Form(s):dat·ed; dat·ingDate:

15th century

1: to reckon chronologically 2: originate dating from college days> 3: to become dated 4: to go out on usually romantic dates

See no.4 people? "To go out on usually romantic dates". Merriam Webster says a date means going out.

So now back to the questions at hand: What the fux up with dating in our society? I meet men, and as soon as they find out I live alone they invite themselves over to my place (unsuccessfully I might add). But just the audacity alone is bugging me out folks. I've had some heated debates with men about this. I had to seriously analyze this situation and here's what I cam up with:

1. Some Men have not been taught how to properly date/court a woman. So they don't understand the concept.
   
2. Some Women have not been taught to command respect from men. Therefore, they settle for less than ideal dating circumstances.
3. hanging in the balance are desperate women who are unaware of their self worth and the men who have been spoiled/ruined by them. (Both equally responsible for this poor state of affairs)

Now this is all in my very humble opinion. But I do have some suggestions on how to remedy the situation. First of all, we could all use a lesson in self respect and respect for others. That can easily be achieved by learning that you MUST treat people the way that YOU want to be treated. Next, we must forgive past transgressions and heal. The whole punishing folks for the acts of previous cats syndrome has got to cease and desist (immejiatelayy). Finally, we must not settle. It's okay to be picky. It's perfectly fine to know what you want and not accept anything less than those heart's desires. However, be willing to be the best YOU that you can. Don't expect someone to give you the world if you aren't willing to give it back to them in return.

I feel that if we start thinking and applying a few common sense factors to our dating process, we'll all be much happier in the long run. I've decided that the cobweb club is precisely what I need to clear my head and command the type of attention from the sort of man that I desire to have in my life. Does it get lonely sometimes? Hell yes...but I can not settle, I've done it before and the pain of gambling with your body and your heart is not worth it. I'd rather wait for Mr. Wonderful...'cause I truly believe he's out there and I'm so ready to be his Mrs. Wonderful.

Think about it....don't talk about it...and be about it. Yes you can! Yes we can do better!

Rest in Peace Beloved Michael Joseph Jackson

My Mother said to me today: "I finally understand what people felt when Elvis died, He didn't even have half of the reach in his career as Michael Jackson did. Michael was an international star who somehow managed to personally touch us all. It feels like I've lost a family member"

I echo her sentiment as I begin my blog with a tribute to the late and great Michael Jackson. My very first memory of MJ was his thriller video. Now to give you some back story, you have to understand that my Mother was very protective of me and monitored the type of entertainment I was exposed to. This meant that I usually had to sneak and watch/listen to secular entertainment as a child/teen.

I remember this night vividly, we were at a family friend's home. My mother was talking with the adults and I was playing with the children ranging in age from infants to I guess about 18+ or so. At any rate...I consulted the release date for the video (short film). It was December 1983. I was 4...and perhaps a quarter...no where near 5 yet. I VIVIDLY remember that video. It scared me and intrigued me at the same time.

This was the beginning of my love affair with Michael Jackson's music. Although I never got the chance to see him perform live, I literally grew up listening to this man. One of my co-workers said: "I feel that the passing of Michael Jackson has affected so many people so deeply because this man literally provided the sound track to the lives of 3 whole generations and counting." I couldn't have explained the depth of my admiration and respect for MJ any better.

MJ the performer touched many lives by giving the gift of beautiful music. MJ the humanitarian improved the quality of life for many by being selfless and giving of himself more than any other celebrity as was stated today at his memorial service. MJ the person, loved others more than he loved himself. He was and will forever be the eternal child. His loving and giving heart is an example of how we should strive to be better humanitarians. Let us follow his example and love one another as Christ loved us. Let us start today because tomorrow may be to late.

Finally, let us never forget Michael Jackson, the greatest entertainer that ever lived, the selfless humanitarian, the best father ever (Paris Michael Katherine), the brother, the son, the uncle, the cousin,the friend and the International Icon who touched so many lives in his short lived 50 years on this earth. God Bless you MJ and may you live on forever in our hearts and minds. Thank you for the many gifts you left us to cherish and remember you by.
Love,
Jannelle